& shout out please come back

I know what I want. I wonder why it is comforting to have some kind of plan, why people seek to know what they want. Not knowing what you want leads to confusion and angst. But knowing what you want means you can lose it. At least not knowing what you want means you can stumble across something and maybe, maybe it'll become something you need.

I stumbled across something so long ago- damn it's been a long time- and I know I want it. And I can't have it. But I want it in all it's twisted perfection, it's frustrating logic and hilarious illogic. It drives me crazy and I still want it. Maybe I'm crazy. But it makes me happy, so happy.

I find it strangely amusing that I find security in an idea of a plan for the future I know very well (almost certainly) will change. I find it funny how quickly our perceptions change. I've been trying to communicate some idea of what's in my head for the past 45 minutes, but I continue to fail. Can't force what's not ready. It's not ready. And I know not to force it and I don't want to. I will leave it be.

My wants and desires are strong, but require more augmentation to be successful

Wow, I have officially reached the point where I should no longer be able to write. Sleep