with my lightning bolts a'glowin'

In the midst of all this suffering and all of this torture, I've felt lost and questioned my basic beliefs in justice, in how everything works out, in finding happiness and in finding the brighter side of everything.

It's something I've struggled with before, and I'm sure I will struggle with it again. It really should be expected. I strive to be optimistic, but blind optimism is naïve and it's only natural as an intelligent and informed person to wonder at the state our world is in.

Within the past week, a drunk and high woman drove up the wrong side of a highway and hit another vehicle head on. She killed the occupants of the other car, herself, her toddler and three nieces. All the children were under the age of 8. Two teenage boys were driving on a road I've driven on a million times. It was raining and their Corvette hydroplaned or they couldn't see the lines or something and they ended up on the other side of the road, where they were hit head on by an SUV. Both boys died. One boy, the boy who's 'vette it was, just lost his mother in April. His dad died years ago. He left just his brother as the sole survivor of their family. Both boys were going to be sophomores.

All these lives, all these people, gone, cut short, gone before they really started. I can't figure out how that fits into the 'everything works out' belief. Maybe it's stupid to believe that it all works out, but maybe it's incredibly brave as well because you're believing something that you know damn well will be hard as hell to believe in.

However, they also mean that even though life sucks, there's no reason to just let it slip away. It can be gone in a freak second. Might as well make all those seconds before hand matter.

Maybe that's what it is. Every thing works out not because life works out, but because if there's any fight in you, you find a way to make your life matter to you. Everything works out because you make it that way. I will make it that way. We will get through this. We will be okay